Your 2014 Golden Globes Cocktail Recipes

The Golden Globes are this Sunday! OH, HOORAY! (Or, actually, it probably will be kind of fun. Tina and Amy are back! Our ladies!) We’ll be having our annual pizza party that night, of course, but I thought I’d start the celebration early with a few fun Golden Globe nominee-themed cocktail recipes for your at-home parties. You’ll probably have some of this stuff aready, but there might be one or two things you have to run out and buy in advance, so I wanted to give you some time. Cool? Here you go, yummy yummy yummy!:

The Gravity
2 oz Vodka
1 tank oxygen
1/5 oz 3D goggle simple syrup
Shake vigorously, dislodge cocktail shaker lid, and let fly over room. Garnish with 2mg Xanax.

The The Wolf of Wall Street
7 quaaludes
400 penny stocks
13 bloody marys
Nurse for three hours with nude woman while listening to, bizarrely, Foo Fighters.

Eight more delicious recipes after the jump! Drink responsibly!

The American Hustle
2 oz nail polish
1 cigarette
3 oz not quite earned critical praise
Top with champagne and enjoy, but not, like, Academy Award enjoy.

The Her
1 oz aperol
2 oz Grey Goose
1 cell phone
Shake, top with seltzer, and garnish with a kiss.

The Nebraska
1 oz heavy heart
1/5 oz wrenching gut
2 oz quiet laughter
Serve in a beer bottle and top with you best plea that you really think [your friend] would enjoy it!

The Breaking Bad
1 oz blue curaçao
2 oz perfect
A dash of bittersweet bitters
If your guests want this, make sure to allow them to do it themselves. Serve in a Golden Globe-shaped tumbler and garnish with a first place medal.

The House of Cards
2 oz needless suffering
1 oz oh my god this is so good
3 oz NO!
Drink for 13 hours straight.

The Orange Is The New Black
1 orange
1 cup prison wine

The Behind the Candelabra
1 old face
1 new face
100 million oz palimony
Stir and serve.

The Modern Family
2 oz ugh
1 oz again?!
Dash of bitters
Serve with the reminder that it actually doesn’t matter, in any case.