Six Things To Actually Do When It’s Really Cold Outside

1. Check the weather and realize that even though you woke up to 50 degree weather today, tomorrow you will be waking up to 8 degree weather with an AccuWeather “RealFeel,” whatever that even is, of -20.
2. Move your mattress to the floor of either your bedroom or living room. Clear out necessary items that might prohibit your mattress from being on the floor.
3. Find all of your blankets, sheets, sweaters, and towels — check your suitcases and tote bags — and pile them around your mattress. Do you have anything that smells good? Not like perfume, but like candles and those little bags of I don’t even know — potpourri? Grab those and put them at the section of the mattress you have chosen as your “base.” Do not get comfortable there yet.
4. E-mail your boss or coworkers or friends or whomever might need to be notified and let them know, “Hey, sorry but I think tomorrow — wait oh no, ohh hold on a sec, it looks like my– ahhh, see, I knew this would be a probl– okay hold on.” and don’t e-mail them back until it gets warmer outside. (At that point, e-mail “okay, sorry — I’m back!” and show up to fulfill your responsibilities.)
5. Put on a few pairs of soft pants, some tank tops, t-shirts, long sleeve shirts, one sweatshirt, and a hoodie.
6. Settle into your base and realize that you forgot reading material. Accept this. This is your new life. Sleep deeply.



The bubble one and the boiling water one actually do look pretty neat, though. (Via TastefullyOffensive.)