That’s NOT Your Boyfriend: Satan

“Oh, gross. That guy? Did he say I was his girlfriend? Listen, I mean — thanks for coming to me before you said anything about it, but that guy, Satan or whatever his name is, is not my boyfriend. Does that ruin your story? I’m sorry if you planned a whole story around a single mom in a relationship with Satan, or something like that. Maybe you can do a story about the Charles Manson thing? I don’t know. I mean, that thing is kind of dumb, too, and I’m not an editor or anything — I’m not trying to, like, give you an assignment, haha. But, no. He calls me pretty much constantly, and I know that he really likes me, and that’s sweet, I guess, but ahhhhhhh…I guess he’s just not my type. (To put it nicely.) Plus, all of the calling really seems like a red flag. You don’t want to get into a relationship with an emotionally unstable person, or a possessive person, or anything like that. It’s sweet that he clearly likes me, but no — Satan is not my boyfriend.” – You

He’s at least updated his use of technology from his last crush. (Thanks for the tip, badideajeans!)