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Adam Levine Is The Sexiest Man Alive?

Um. Okay. Did everyone else die? NOT trying to be a jerk about Adam Levine’s win at all, I’m so happy for him and for his beautiful fiancée Behati Prinsloo, but I just want to make sure I write out the proper amount of condolences. Was it everyone? About how many people would you say that is? Adam Levine, staying true to the quotes one must give after learning he was named “Sexiest Man Alive,” remained humble-braggy about his win. From People:

He may be battling to be the winning coach on NBC’s hit series The Voice but Adam Levine has this year’s Sexiest Man Alive crown in the bag.

“As a musician, you have fantasies that you want to win Grammys, but I didn’t really think that this was on the table,” the singer tells PEOPLE in this week’s cover story. “I was just amazed and stunned and it almost seemed like they were kidding, but they weren’t, so that’s cool.”

Wait, why did it seem like they were kidding? Did they sound sarcastic? “Hey, look at People’s Sexiest Man Alive over here. Oooooh, we gotta schedule you for your cover photo shoot, huh? People’s ‘SEXIEST man.’ Uh-huh. Try not to get trampled by the hoard of super horny women on your way out.” Hahah. “Adam, it’s your publicist or whoever it would be. We got you People’s ‘Sexiest Man Alive.’ — Nah, just kidding. Talk to you later, man!” They weren’t, though, so that’s cool. Congratulations, Adam Levine! I’m sorry your win had to come under such sad circumstances!