Would You Boycott Vanity Fair’s Oscar Party For A Friend? (If The Friend Were Gwyneth Paltrow?)

No. Can you imagine being invited to a fancy Oscar party like that?! The two people that I would boycott Vanity Fair’s Oscar party for, if I’m to be completely honest, are my mom and my dad. If Vanity Fair were going to publish something negative about my parents, that would be completely uncalled for — they’re not even famous! — and I would probably boycott that Oscar party. But anyone else?! GIVE ME A BREAK. Deal with it, friends and other relatives. WORRY ABOUT YOURSELF, I’M GOING TO THE PARTY. I won’t buy the issue, for sure, I’m not a monster, but pass up that party? CELEBS WILL BE AT THAT PARTY, DRINKING CHAMPAGNE, LOOKING FANCY, AND EATING LITTLE PERFECT FOOD, PROBABLY! I’m going. Oh, but anyway, Gwyneth Paltrow doesn’t want her friends to go. From Radar:

Gwyneth Paltrow isn’t just on the defensive with Vanity Fair, she’s going on the offensive — actively asking her A-list friends to boycott the magazine’s famous Oscars party, has exclusively learned.

As we reported, the war between Paltrow, 41, and the popular magazine — which is planning to run a bombshell expose on her — is at an all-time high amid private vows and declaration to destroy the monthly’s reputation.

“Gwyneth feels her relationship with the magazine has been destroyed and she’s urging pals not just to avoid doing business with the magazine, but to skip the mag’s Oscar party as well,” a source dished to Radar. “To be frank, she wants to shut their Oscar party down entirely.”

Apparently Vanity Fair wants to publish something about Gwyneth Paltrow cheating on Chris Martin with a billionaire in Miami a bunch of years ago, or something. I’m not going to look it up because it’s none of my business and I’m upset that I know as much about it (basically all of the details?) (I don’t know why I’m trying to pretend that I don’t know literally almost all of the details there are to know) as I do. But I will say, DUDE WON’T EVEN STAND NEXT TO HER IN PICTURES. STAY OUT OF THEIR BROKEN MARRIAGE. DON’T BE GROSS. INVITE ME TO YOUR PARTY. I WILL GO ALMOST NO MATTER WHAT!