Right off the bat let me say that I’m totally for sure not saying that anything is 4sure wrong with Internet children’s songwriter Patrice Wilson. I don’t know the guy! I have — and this is a fact — NEVER met Patrice Wilson. He could be fine and the best. He could be a great dude with a full life, a good shoulder for his friends to cry on, and a good provider for his family, and definitely not at all a mentally not-so-good man who, in his clearer moments, wrote lines into Alison Gold’s newest hit “ABCDEFG” like “I need someone to help me through all these feelings that I’m dealing with, these feelings that I can’t resist, these feelings that I need”, and set them against images of himself peering into the bedroom of a child, telling a child — who, in the context of the video, does not know who he is — to GET INTO A VAN WITH HIM, and spiking the drinks of an entire room full of children to that two of them fall in love with each other while he watches. He could be a fine dude! I’m just saying that maybe he isn’t? Look, I would never want to take away a man’s ability to write garbage songs so children can play out their empty pop star fantasies on their parents’ dime(s) (lots of dimes) — this isn’t about that. I’m just saying that if Patrice Wilson needs and wants help, Patrice Wilson should be able to get that help! Will someone check on him? THIS NEW SONG IS ABOUT THE ALPHABET.
Also it’s completely insane that if he was going to try to make us believe that, at the end of the video, we didn’t CLEARLY see “Human Potion” on the bottle, somehow mistaking it for “Chinese Potion,” (PS: not “Chinese food”?) which looks completely different, that he did not at least have the decency to name it HUNAN POTION. Are you kidding me, Patrice?! ARE YOU OKAY?! (Via DeathAndTaxes.)