If Your Halloween Decorations Make Adults Call The Police, Plz Take Down Your Halloween Decorations

Guys, I’m sorry to have to come down on you like this, especially at this time of year (Halloween), but we’ve been getting a lot of complaints about the Halloween decorations and I — argh, I do hate to do this — I feel like we need to set at least one ground rule. If your decorations look so realistically like two adult men lying lifeless and bloodied on your driveway that multiple neighbors have called 911 to report what they think are murders, you are going to have to take in your decorations. I’m sorry! I hate to be the bad guy. I love Halloween and Halloween decorations as much as the next guy, but the fact is that realistic-looking dead bodies barely even qualify as Halloween decorations. That is just a weird, scary murder-themed prank! If they were dead vampires? Maybe. Doesn’t really make sense, but it would certainly be more obvious Halloween decoration. Dead ghosts? A little redundant, but sure! Frankenstein’s monster under the wheel of your car? Again, these are all going to be horrific, and maybe still a little over the top, but at least they would no doubt classify as Halloween decorations. But the dead bodies dressed in normal clothes, stuffed and splayed in order to look as much like human bodies as possible, surrounded by blood? You’re just going to have to take those inside. Maybe put them in your living room. They would look nice there! And do remember to have a Happy Halloween. Thanks!