Videogum

Dr. Phil Invites You To Use His Pod

From TMZ: “TMZ has learned, 63-year-old Dr. Phil has his OWN giant mysterious egg-shaped pod thing … it’s a $65,000 piece of technology that could help reverse the aging process. It’s called a CVAC, which stands for Cyclic Variations in Adaptive Conditioning, and there are only 16 in the world, used by all kinds of rich people and famous athletes. According to CVAC, the chamber uses a computer-controlled valve and a vacuum pump to simulate high altitude and compress the muscles at rhythmic intervals, which purportedly improves circulation, boosts oxygen-rich blood cells, and even stimulates biogenesis and stem cell production. Translation: it could be the fountain of youth. And we’ve learned Dr. Phil has one IN HIS HOUSE. We’re told Phil purchased the contraption because he’s very active and it helps with his shoulder and knee problems.”

Dr. Phil: You know, I don’t usually do this–
You: I don’t want to go into your pod.
Dr. Phil: What? How’d you even know I was going to say that!
You: It’s in the lobby of your mansion, you’ve been staring at it ever since you invited me inside, and when you invited me in you said “Come on, you’ve got to try my pod.”
Dr. Phil: Hah! You got me!
You: –
Dr. Phil: Get in!

You: No, dude!
Dr. Phil: Want to hear a joke?
You: No!
Dr. Phil: Okay, here it is: If a guy is drunk, is it okay to put him into your pod? Haahahahahaah–
You: How is that a joke?
Dr. Phil: –ahahahaaAahaahhahaaeeeheheeeeheheaahhhahaa
You: I don’t get it.
Dr. Phil: Remember when I tweeted that thing?
You: No.
Dr. Phil: It’s a reference joke.
You: Okay.
Dr. Phil: “If a guy is drunk, is it okay to put him into your pod?” Hahahaa. It’s also funny because it’s a fake threat.
You: I don’t want to talk about the joke anymore, Dr. Phil. What does your pod even do?
Dr. Phil: Simulates high altitude and compresses my muscles at rhythmic intervals.
You: What does that do?
Dr. Phil: It’s the fountain of youth!
You: Okay.
Dr. Phil: Get in!
You: I don’t want to!
Dr. Phil: Why not?! Only 16 people have these! It pretty much is just like that Matt Damon movie!
You: Elysium?
Dr. Phil: Yes! Don’t you want to live in the good part of Elysium?
You: What?!
Dr. Phil: I honestly don’t know why you’re being so difficult. This is a cool thing, just get in it.
You: You’re being real weird about it.
Dr. Phil: Just please get in.
You: No!
Dr. Phil: GET IN THE POD.
You: –
Dr. Phil: GET IN THE POD!
You: I’m going to go, Dr. Phil.
Dr. Phil: GET IN THE POD GET IN THE POD GET IN THE POD!
You: Bye!
Dr. Phil: POD!!!

Scene