UNDENIABLE Evidence: Aliens Are Making Groaning Noises In The Sky!

Grab your tinfoil hats! Grab your coffee, I know it’s early and you possibly haven’t finished your first cup yet, so we definitely don’t want to start off on a bad foot, but if it’s only a bit and you could drink it quickly without bringing it that would be helpful! Grab your New Yorker! Grab your trail mix and your unsalted mixed nuts! Grab your favorite outfit — the one you always look good in no matter how you feel otherwise! Grab any kind of special soap you need for your skin and GTFO BECAUSE ALIENS ARE MAKING NOISES IN THE SKY!!!!!!

Listen, these noises (heard in Terrace, British Columbia) are basically the same kind of noises that were in those viral marketing videos for the movie Red State or whatever that were floating around a few years ago, but if you were an alien wouldn’t you model your scary noises after a Kevin Smith movie that nobody saw so humans would disregard them until you were ready to strike? Uh, yeah!! Yeah, I think so!!!! LOOK: from the Huffington Post:

One day in January 2012, in the small town of North Battleford, Saskatchewan, which is 1,000 miles east of Terrace, a local radio station got around 40 calls from residents asking about strange sounds in the sky. In the far-flung community of Conklin, Alberta, which is over 300 miles from North Battleford and over 1,000 miles from Terrace, a creepy video filmed in the forest purports to show a similar phenomenon. (“It sounds like the planet is screaming in pain,” one commenter wrote.) A few days after the video in Conklin appeared, a video filmed in the town of The Pas, Manitoba — a 13-hour drive southeast — shows more or less the same thing.

SPOOKY NOISES BE EVERYWHERE’N! Don’t believe me?! DON’T BELIEVE ME?! Roll the video!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Kimberly Wookey, who uploaded the video to YouTube, said she was awoken by these sounds back in June, as well. KIMBERLY! For those are you who are too spooked, the Huffington Post offers a possible explanation:

But just because some of these videos were a ruse doesn’t mean others aren’t real. [Ed. Note: LOL] Many were uploaded in different places around the same time (most from the early months of 2012), lending credence to their claims. So far, perhaps the best explanation we’ve heard came from University of Saskatchewan physics professor Jean Pierre St. Maurice, who said the noises may be from electromagnetic waves emitted from aurora, natural light displays in the sky at high latitudes.

But tipster Lizz says: “I’ve seen the Northern Lights a few times and they *did* make a sound that woke up my dog, which is how I got outside to see/hear them. But it didn’t sound like this — not at all.” NOT AT ALL! GUYS! WHAT! ARE! THESE! NOISES! More viral videos for Red State 2?! Legit aliens?! The Earth dying?!

While we might not know for quite some time the true origin of these sky noises, one thing we know for sure is that we are all doomed. Rest in peace, earthlings. We had our chance.