Videogum

Best New Party Game: The Bachelorette-Inspired Poetry

I’m not sure how many of you watched the most recent season finale of The Bachelorette, but I saw the final two episodes so I’ll recap: The Bachelorette, Desiree Hartsock, fell in love with one of the bachelors named I Forget What. Haircut? Haircut broke up with her in the penultimate episode and we spent one hour watching them cry. Then, instead of saying “Okay, well, I loved that guy, and getting engaged is pretty serious even if you are almost certainly not going to go through with the marriage, so nevermind I’m going to go home,” she just got engaged to one of the other guys. Oh well! If you can’t be with the one you love, be with one of the other contestants because it’s only for one more episode anyway, who cares. The contestant she chose writes poems, and announced recently on social media that he is putting out a book of his poetry! Neat! Here is one of the poems, from his Instagram:

“Hesitation, No More”

At first you aren’t sure what to think,
Losing track of those back home…not in mind.
Coming into a situation, the unknown,
A skeptic in present time.

I step out of that limo,
You…standing there in that dress.
I lost my breath for that moment,
Then thought, getting down on one knee would be best!

AHAHHHHHHHHHAaaaaahaaaaaaa! Awww. I feel bad laughing; I’m sure that in the future art from reality show contestants is going to be a very important window into understanding our culture (looking at you, Melissa from Real World: New Orleans), and it’s definitely true that everyone deserves to write the poetry they want to write, but right now super lazy poems about being on The Bachelorette are A+ funny material and I am LOVIN’ IT! Can we all do it?! I know we haven’t all had the pleasure of being on The Bachelorette, but can we pretend? I’LL GO FIRST!

“Hello, My Love, We Meet”

I live in this house for you
With men of ages late twenties to early thirties, I assume
Though it’s hard to say

They all stammer nervously when asked about their work
Simply having a strong interest in something is kind of a perk
True, how could they

Keep a job and be away from it for so much time
Though, why should I ever waste a rhyme
On another man

I am the man for you, my lady
What is your name? Something like Katie?
My name is Stan.

Hahaha. A++++++++++. I majored in English, that’s why it’s so good! NOW IT’S YOUR TURN!