We have a million trailers to watch this week and they all have every single famous person in them (NOT EXAGGERATING, ALL LITERAL), so let’s not waste any more time! Put on your special movie trailer viewing glasses, hop into the pod, and let’s get viewing!

The Monuments Men

Have you ever read or seen The Rape of Europa? I saw the documentary, I did not read the book, but the documentary is great. You should watch it. This also looks pretty great. (But, I love anything with Mark Wahlberg.)

Captain Phillips

Oh my god. I’m sure Tom Hanks will be considered for a nomination for an Academy Award for his role in Captain Phillips, I’m sure it’s going to be great, but this movie makes me want to cover my eyes and go to anxiety sleep. No no no no no. No. Not for me. NO.

CBGB

Fuck this stupid garbage movie.

The Counselor

Is it in Javier Bardem’s contract that every role he plays has to easily translate into a Halloween costume? Very smart! That is a very smart contract. Anyway, Cormac McCarthy wrote this movie and Ridley Scott directed this movie and it has lots of men and women we like or at least tolerate in it, so. #haveyoubeenbreakingbad

Her

Ugh, I hate Joaquin Phoenix AND his computer girlfriend. Hahaha. Those two DESERVE EACH OTHER. (Scarlett Johansson’s voice is a very good voice, though, I do have to give the computer that much.) I’m sure most people will love this movie, Punch Drunk Louars and the Real Girlzabethtown, but so far it mostly just makes me mad. “I wanna learn everything about everything.” “I love the way you look at the world.” Ugh.

Enough Said

Aw, jeeze.

Muppets Most Wanted

It seems oddly cruel that both the trailer for James Gandolfini’s last leading role and a Muppets trailer would be be included in the first trailer roundup after Gabe’s departure, but I suppose that is just the world we live in. A cruel one. (Cruel related to trailer roundups only, otherwise perfect.)

Diana

I don’t think I’m going to see Diana, but it doesn’t look bad! THE END!