Other Questions Both For Parts Of Speech And Lindsay Lohan

What is this, Lindsay Lohan day? No, it isn’t! Lindsay Lohan day (Lindsay Lohan’s birthday) was July 2, and we missed it. What a bunch of swell friends we are. Today isn’t that day, though, it’s just that some days are just a little more Lindsay Lohan than others, and this happens to be one of those days. (Check her out when she guest-hosts Chelsea Lately tonight, just kidding!) (Though, you obviously can if you want to!) (Like I already said, I am probably going to!) (So I don’t even know what I’m talking about!) Anyway, let’s get this post-y started. On Sunday, August 18th, Lindsay Lohan’s episode of Oprah’s Oprah’s Next Chapter will premiere on the Oprah Winfrey Network. Oh, girl. The network released a short teaser trailer today which offers little to talk about, save for one incredible question:

“What does it feel like to be both an adjective and a verb for child star gone wrong?” A+++++. OPRAH, DO YOU WANT TO FREELANCE FOR VIDEOGUM?! If I were Lindsay Lohan I would say, “I’m not sure, can you use me in a sentence?” LOL. Tune in 2 C if I am Lindsay Lohan! Oprah’s question does inspire me, though, to write up a few of my own questions for both parts of speech and Lindsay Lohan:

  • What does it feel like to be unsure, focused on wishful thinking, and rarely employed by anyone, like the subjunctive?
  • How does it feel to be a gerund for the action of when a child star goes wrong?
  • What’s it like to live your life like a positive negation, meaning a yes answer to a no question, like “doch,” a word that is used all of the time in German but doesn’t have an English equivalent? Even though one would be quite useful?
  • What’s it like to be a personal pronoun?
  • What’s it like to seem like a mere interjection in all of the recent films in which you’ve been cast?
  • What does it feel like to be at once the preposition “under” and the preposition “over”?

Hahaha. LINDSAY, I TRUELY WISH YOU THE BEST! I’m sorry my questions are so rude, BLAME OPRAH! I’m going to go Lindsay Lohan myself off of a cliff!!! (Via ONTD.)