How To: Fake Being Able To Play Piano

1. Buy a piano and place it either right in the middle of your living room or off to the side of your living room. DO NOT place it in your bedroom. “But what if my bedroom has more space than my living room?” you might be thinking. Oh, you’re the expert? Well, if you’re the expert then I don’t know why you’re reading my “how to.” Maybe you should write your own “how to”! You seem to have a lot of ideas!
2. Buy some sheet music and scatter it on top of the piano, and also put some in the place where you’re supposed to put sheet music on the piano. Make sure to take a pencil and scribble a few nonsense things onto the sheet music. No one will know they aren’t real things.
3. Whenever you have a guest, make sure to point out your piano. Say things like, “And here is my piano, which I love to play.” Or, “And here is my piano, it’s incredible the way the hours just melt away while you’re sitting at a piano and playing it moderately well.”
4. If someone asks you to play them something, first try to deflect. “What’s that? Oh that reminds me, would you like a drink?” Or, “Hmm? Oh, look at the time.”
5. If they persist, sit down at the piano and do this dumb thing:

6. If they say, “Uh. So. Wait, what?” You admit to faking it and promise that you will soon start lessons.
7. Start lessons.
8. Practice.
9. Practice.
10. Have fun!

(Via DailyPicks.)