ATTN: This Is NOT Benedict Cumberbatch’s Wedding

PLEASE CALM DOWN. If we could just have everyone return from their panic rooms — I believe the intercom system reaches the panic rooms, yes? — good — and proceed to the main hall in an orderly fashion, NO RUNNING, we’d like to make something clear about the photographs of Benedict Cumberbatch at a wedding that all of you somehow gained access to, even though we have specifically blocked “Benedict Cumberbatch + Wedding” from your Google search results. Is everyone here? Okay, good. Please stop whispering, we can hear it and it is distracting. The crying may continue, we understand it’s hard to stop once you’ve begun, but please keep loud sobs to a minimum. Now, let me project the image onto the main screen. Please stay calm, you’re all doing a great job. Okay. If you would take a moment to process what is going on in the image, rather than only processing that it is an image of Benedict Cumberbatch in a wedding scenario and going from there, you’d notice that Benedict Cumberbatch is actually standing apart from the couple. You see? Ah, there you go. What weddings have you attended where the couple getting married stood apart, huh? Not any, I’d guess! See, Benedict Cumberbatch is actually officiating the wedding of two of his friends, Seth Cummings and Rob Rinder. Ah, yes, there you go — now you see it. Nothing to worry about. The blonde lady in this image, well, who knows about her, but certainly not the two men in this wedding photograph. Please return to your rooms, there will be staff available to help you if necessary. (Image via Celebitchy.)