“Stacy Keibler Wants Us To Know She And George Clooney Hadn’t Had Sex In Months”

Read that headline somewhere this morning, seems important. You guys want to talk about that? You want to talk about the fact that a source close to Stacy Keibler (which already LOL) told “the press” (again: haha) that the couple, according to Stacy Keibler, had not had sex in months? “DISCUSS.” Ugh, you guys, these truly are the dog days of summer! Get it? I posted a picture of puppies. Let’s talk about those. They’re great, right? They do stink out of their mouths and their butts, but otherwise A++. (Am I talking about celebrities or puppies who can even tell anymore?!) Seriously, it’s up to you. We can totally talk about how a source close to Stacy Keibler is reporting that she and George Clooney haven’t had sex in months, if that is what you guys want to talk about. I’m the one who brought it up! It would be ridiculous of me to bring it up and then give you guys a hard time because that’s exactly what it turns out you want to talk about. But also we could just look at pictures of dogs. “But Gabe, we have been down this road before. We’ve looked at all the dog pictures.” Oh-ho, strawman! Are you too good for this road?! Is someone getting tired of PUPPY AVENUE?! Because why don’t you drive right into Whoops Ocean, you FOOL. But again: up to you! Whatta you guys want to talk about?!