Sorry, Advertising, But Nothing Will Make Me Think Countertop Cleaning Solutions Are “Cool.” And That’s OK!

Oh neat. This is just fun. Let’s all run to the store and buy whatever the hell this product is. They used swear words! So cool. I wish this ad was a person so we could be friends and hang out. You know, television was basically invented as a distribution system for advertising, and if you look back at the early years it can seem funny how primitive the medium was, with doctors standing on the edge of a talk show behind a desk for a cutaway explaining the health benefits of smoking, but in some ways maybe that was still better. Just tell me what your stupid thing does and let me decide whether or not I want to buy it! Stop trying to impress me. Advertising is such a Mom’s New Boyfriend these days. I don’t need you to buy me beer and talk about how hot the TGI Friday’s waitress’s tits look in her uniform, advertising. Leave me alone. You’re not my dad, advertising.