Updating Poltergeist For A Modern Audience

Unlike Gabe, I love horror movies. (I assume we’re all on the same page with the stuff Gabe does and doesn’t like. We each have the chart?) I loved them when I was little and they would make me so scared that I had to go see what my mom was up to in the kitchen, and I love them now that they make me so scared when I have to watch them by myself because almost all of my friends hate them. (My male friends, mainly. Do you think guys don’t like horror movies because they’re mostly afraid to feel vulnerable?) (Please get 100,000,000 words on that asap.) So I am not completely against this Poltergeist remake. It’s been a while! And this was such a scary movie! Let’s go again, who cares! With one catch though: We have GOTTA update it for a modern audience. From The Hollywood Reporter:

MGM is partnering with Fox 2000 to co-finance and distribute the horror film Poltergeist. …

Gil Kenan (Monster House) is set to direct Poltergeist from a screenplay by Pulitzer Prize-winning writer David Lindsay-Abaire, whose recent credits include Oz: The Great and Powerful.

Dubbed a revisionist take on the original film, the new story centers on a family struggling to make ends meet that relocates to an outdated suburban home and is confronted by an angry spirit who kidnaps their youngest daughter and challenges them to band together to rescue her from the clutches of evil.

“A family struggling to make ends meet” definitely works for the modern audience, but what else? The ghost could communicate through tweets, maybe. And then one day someone gets a DM from the ghost and it’s like, “But wait, you can only get DMs from people you follow.” And then the person is like, “WAIT. HOW DID THE GHOST DM ME?!” (Similarly: How did the ghost’s message end up in my regular Facebook inbox? Did it pay the dollar? How did it get a credit card?!) The ghost could live in an iPhone. The youngest daughter is played by Miley Cyrus and Miley Cyrus also plays the ghost. They defeat the ghost by using The Secret. Yes, all of those, but what else? #andghostitis