Why Aren’t More People Talking About The Accusation That Vladimir Putin Stole A Super Bowl Ring?!

Wait. Hold on. This is an actual ABC NEWS report on the owner of the New England Patriots’s accusation that Vladimir Putin, PRESIDENT OF RUSSIA, stole his Super Bowl ring. In fact, it is a FOLLOW UP report to an EARLIER report! And I had to find it by randomly stumbling over it in my RSS feed? WHY ISN’T EVERYONE TALKING ABOUT THIS?! I understand that it’s a tough day for everyone what with Shailene Woodley being cut from Spider-Man 2 and possibly even having her role as Mary Jane Watson recast, but COME ON. This is IMPORTANT and also HILARIOUS. I love that what is absolutely not in dispute is that Vladimir Putin definitely has a $25,000 Super Bowl ring, which he what, wears on his extended pinky while using an ivory spoon to shovel caviar into his mouth each night as he watches Jon Oliver guest host The Daily Show. The only question is: DID HE STEAL IT? Very good question. Maybe our most important question. I cannot believe I am just finding out about this question!