Courtney Stodden’s Mom Is A Good Manager, Says Courtney Stodden’s Mom

Courtney Stodden, dream of dreams, well-adjusted princess sent down from God’s entertainment sector, how did you become such a success? How do you maintain that level of success (measured, of course, in how often you are brought up here, as if we are moths to your red and orange streamers pasted together and placed near a fan, in the attempt to create a flame-like simulation from afar) while staying true to your career goals and, most importantly, to who you are? Tell me. Tell me, Courtney Stodden’s mom. From E! Online:

“We take our jobs very seriously,” [Krista Keller] Stodden exclusively tells E! News, explaining why momagers are better than your average manager. “We want our children to be the best they can be in their profession. We’re the best type of managers because we’re with our teenager 24/7.”

“When a client goes away from the momager, they are surrounded by people that may not be trusted. Look at Britney Spears—she had to go back to her dad to manager her. A lot of people go through a lot of managers in their career. Courtney knows she’s in the best hands. I will always try to find the best fit for her,” she says. …

“We’ve turned down hundreds of thousands of dollars, possibly millions, to do porn. I’ll never encourage Courtney to do nudity just to earn a paycheck.”

And finally, she applauds fellow momagers for their hard work, “I respect Kris Jenner. She does an incredible job. I respect Teri Shields. And even Dina Lohan for how hard she worked for Lindsay.

“I’ll never encourage Courtney to do nudity just to earn a paycheck,” she explained, waving politely from the Gold step at the Momager Olympics, Dina Lohan and Kris Jenner just below her at the Silver and Bronze levels, respectively. And with that she ascended into Heaven. As she, lighted and brilliant, disappeared from the vision of the crowds below you could faintly hear her calling out to Courtney’s 100-year-old husband, Doug — “She’s your child now, Doug. You are her momager. Exploit her riiiiiiiiigggghhhhhttttttttttttt.”