Mom, dad, good, I’m glad you’re both here, I need to talk to you guys. First of all, I love you both very much. You’ve always been so loving and supportive of me, and I don’t know what I would do without you. What? I’m not being weird, what? Why do you say that? Is it weird for a son to just tell his parents that he loves them? Whatever. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, that’s all, about you and me and the future, all of it. But, I was thinking about how money has been kind of tight lately anyway, so maybe it doesn’t make sense for me to go to college? Like, if you think about it, it doesn’t even make sense to spend all that money on school when my path is so clear. Mom, dad, ahhhh, I’m nervous but also excited OK I’m just going to say it: I’m going to win the world record for breaking baseball bats with my back. Yes, mom, of course the record already exists, but I am going to break it. Hahha. Get it? Break it? Like the bats? With my back? I figure if I start training now, it will only take me seven to ten years of hard work to get into the upper echelon of baseball bat back-breakers. From there, who knows. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. But think about the money you will save! All I need is a bucket of baseball bats, a gym membership, and a couple cool tank tops. I know this isn’t exactly the path that you guys had planned for me, but you always taught me that I should follow my passion, and my passion is breaking baseball bats with my back.

Mom? Dad? So proud?