Katherine Chloe Cahoon Needs Our Help Writing Her Screenplay, Which Is Real, I’m Sure

Making it big in Hollywood is one of the foundational aspects of the American Dream. Even if you don’t follow celebrity gossip, or want to be on a reality TV show, or write spec pilots in your spare time, there’s probably a little bit of this pixie dust in your soup. With the exception of sociopaths, cat people, and agoraphobics, most Americans harbor some small variation on being recognized for one’s inherent beauty/talent/appeal/cocaine and being instantaneously elevated to the role of More Special Person Than Regular People, living in some Vinnie Chase hillside mansion knocking golf balls into backyards from the infinity pool. (Sidenote: this is a relevant question since the Entourage movie DOES have a green light, so remember how Vinnie and the gang were always knocking golf balls into backyards? From the infinity pool at his hillside mansion? That was dangerous, right? You can’t just do that? I mean I know the gang can do whatever it wants because it’s THE GANG but please be careful, guys. People live up here!) All of this preamble is simply to point out that we all share some slice of this dream pie (however small a slice or however thickly the slice is covered in a cream made out of the recognition that the myth of Hollywood fame and glamour is toxic and based on a dangerously flawed value system) but that probably a lot of us have put those dreams aside for more realistic pursuits of a happy and fulfilling life. As we enter adulthood (those of us who have, I know many of us are still 12 year old girls writing “Mr. Selena Gomez” on our jeans) we realize that those fantasies aren’t even all they’re cracked up to be, probably, and it’s time that we focus on the things that we truly care about and spend time with friends and family, and make the most out of the life we were given. WELL GRAB YOUR GO BAG AND KISS THEM GOODBYE, GRANDPA, BECAUSE IT IS TIME TO DIG THOSE DREAMS BACK OUT OF THE REALITY CLOSET. NOW IS OUR BIG CHANCE! KATHERINE CHLOE CAHOON NEEDS OUR HELP TO WRITE HER SCREENPLAY, WHICH I AM SURE IS REAL, AND NOW WE’RE ALL GONNA BE HOLLYWOOD HOTSHOTS. TOGETHER!

This video seems pretty legit, for sure. Katherine Chloe Cahoon is adapting her self-published book about fucking Australian tourists at Oktoberfest into a feature film? But the producers are fighting over “which types of girls to include”? And the only people who can settle this dispute are strangers on the Internet? So in order to get the word out, Katherine traveled to Cabo and shot a video on the beach in which there are four separate camera angles but she only ever looks straight ahead? Yes, no, yeah, for sure, I’ve heard of this. This is how MARTY SCORECESO got his start. We are gonna be so rich and successful! HOLLYWOOD, HERE WE COME AND/OR ALREADY ARE! (Thanks for the tip, Chris.)