This iCarly Remix Video Makes Me Feel 14,000 Years Old

There was a New York Times article about a scientific study recently (that I am pretty sure I’ve mentioned/linked to before but you can tell that to your lawyer when you sue me) that found that on average people get happier as they get older, with peak happiness and minimum stress arriving in your 80s. This goes contrary to the popular conception of youth being the best time of one’s life, and old age being nothing but a nightmare wasteland of disease and irrelevance. So this is good news! We are on our way to the good stuff! But, even if you are happy and so chill when you get old, there still must be encounters that one has with the world that make you feel like you need to sit down. As you do, your knees creak and your lower back spasms mildly. When you’ve gotten down to the ground your rheumy eyes water as you stare out over an unfamiliar landscape, thinking of your childhood home, and how long it has been since you felt that same level of safety and belonging. Despite the accumulation of experiences and friendships and lovers that you’ve collected over the years, all of which, for better or for worse, you cherish deeply and would not give up for all the Werther’s Originals in the world, you nevertheless have brief moments of loneliness and alienation the depths of which you never thought possible when you were younger. Eventually you get back up, dry your one gummy eye that is always tearing up even when you aren’t thinking about these things, hold a dear one’s hand, and head to an early supper, excited to recount the stories of the day. All the while this fucking iCarly remix is playing and you’re like “what is that even supposed to be? In my time we listened to something called MUSIC.”