Here AREN’T Some Afternoon Links LOL

Sorry, guys. So sorry. I don’t do links. I’m not saying anything about people who do them. Or people who read them. We are all flying through space on this crazy blue marble called Spaceship Planet Earth together, or whatever. I just don’t have whatever the thing is in a human being that allows them to do links. That part of me is broken and it can’t be fixed. Here’s the thing about links: even though they are widely agreed to be the easiest way to get a quick and exhaustive survey of the relevant stories of the day, and they are both a fun and easy way to feel like you are caught up with the world around you, when I see a collection of links all that happens to me is I feel the weight of the dirt collecting on top of my coffin. (I’m sorry, Hugo Chavez, I am not trying to make light of the very dark reality of actual death. But you of all people understood the powerful rhetoric of a good visual metaphor!) OK, that’s a little bit dramatic. But, like, OK, remember that MTV cartoon Daria? That was by all accounts a good cartoon and people loved it. But for whatever reason, if an episode of Daria came on it was my signal that I needed to turn off the television and actually DO something with my life. It was just, like, Daria is fine but I just knew that there was SOMETHING better I could be doing with my time than watching Daria. And that’s how I feel about lists of links on the Internet. They’re fine! But if I am reading or writing one then I should definitely be doing something else. You know, before I die and stuff. That being said I am sure there were some fun things worth looking at and talking about on the Internet today that we missed and by we I mean me or sorry, I, so why don’t you help a brother out EWWWWW just kidding but why don’t you post the worthwhile stuff in the comments and do my job for me? Just do it! You’re going to die one day too, so help me out. Don’t you want to get into heaven?! (Ooooof. See? This is why Kelly does these. I’m fired!)