Is There Life After The Oscars? (SPOILER ALERT: Only Kind Of)

The day after the Academy Awards is always kind of tough, at least for people reading stupid garbage on the Internet (other people’s lives continue to muddle through). Even in years when Jennifer Lawrence doesn’t clock in to work at the one-woman GIF Factory, it’s all “Vanity Fair Oscar Party This” and “Elton John Oscar Viewing Party That.” There’s the incessant rundown of what it all means, as if the answer is anything other than NOTHING. (Incidentally, this Tweet about how four of the examples in Seth MacFarlane’s opening song about seeing actresses’ boobs, which already, UGH-ITTY UGH-ITTY, actually came from RAPE SCENES should have about one million more retweets and provide the basis for a Michael Moore movie that eventually gets Seth MacFarlane pulled from shelves, and while we’re at it even the Onion’s now deleted Tweet calling a nine-year-old child a ‘cunt’ signals that perhaps this should be the last Oscars because we are not allowed to have forget nice things we just aren’t allowed to have things period.) The point is, if you didn’t have Oscar Fever before the Oscars, you definitely have it now, or at the very least, you definitely shouldn’t touch any keyboards or share any magnums of champagne with anyone because this place is just lousy with Oscar Germs. Case in point, we had to go as far as BOINGBOING to find any semblance of life outside of the Oscars, and even then it is just a two-year-old, 7-minute-long performance art piece featuring a half-naked woman covered in Nutella and bolero music. Yikes.

Stay safe out there you guys.