Monsters’ Ball: The Week’s Best Comments

Oh man, how about that nightmare cruise this week, you guys?! What a nightmare! Although I do love this video of two 12-year-old survivors of the nightmare cruise describing it with the kind of world-weary, all-knowing disdain that only 12-year-olds can muster. It was almost worth it for all of those people to go through such a horrible ordeal (double horrible considering how much it was intended to be the opposite) just for this video. Right, everyone on the nightmare cruise? Silver linings. Silver linings cruisebook. (VERY GOOD. OSCAR BAIT NON-JOKE THROWAWAY HALF-SENTENCE.) The point is: let’s all have a great weekend, certainly a much better couple of days than even five minutes on that garbage cruise. Don’t poop in bags, you don’t have to! Poop in toilets! What a life!

After the jump, the five Highest Rated comments, as voted on by you, the Lowest Rated comment, the winner of the Tom Hanks Going Bananas Over Olivia Wilde’s Engagement Ring Caption Contest, and the Editor’s and Associate Editors’ Choices.

This Week’s Highest Rated Comments

#5  Superglue | Feb 8th Score:29

The only public group prank or stunt I’d be interested in is one where everyone very orderly walked on the correct side of the sidewalk/mall walkway/anywhere, and nobody stopped suddenly to turn around, or bumped into me because they were checking instagram, or was a small child I stepped on, or was a tiny dog I stepped on, and everyone got where they were going without any major incidents.

Posted in: Are There Any Public Group Stunts You’d Actually Enjoy?
#4  huckabeast | Feb 11th Score:34

Now this is the story all about how
My day got sleepy, I thought I’d lay down
And I’d like to take a minute just sit right there
I’ll tell you how I fell asleep in a balcony chair

In west de Janeiro I was hanging with Ye
With my neighbors is where I spent most of my days
Chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool
And shooting rich people drugs out by the pool
When a couple of guys, they were up to no good
Started taking pictures in my neighbourhood
I tried to go inside but Kim got scared
And said “You’re keeping watch outside in the balcony chair”

I called for my waiter and when he came near the
martini smelled “fresh” and had a ice and Everclear
If anything I could say that this drink should be sipped slow
But I thought nah, forget it, yo homes, down you go!

I called all my masseuses about seven or eight
And I pulled up my son’s Karate Kid remake
Looked at my kingdom I sat back in my chair
To nap on my throne i.e. a balcony chair

Posted in: Shhhh, Don’t Wake Up Will Smith!
#3  hotspur | Feb 12th Score:36

“nice ring!”
“T. Hanks!”

I’ll show myself out.

Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: Tom Hanks Going Bananas Over Olivia Wilde’s Engagement Ring
#2  Jeb | Feb 11th Score:38

He will wake up feeling like a refreshed prince.

Posted in: Shhhh, Don’t Wake Up Will Smith!

[Assoc. Ed. Note: A lot of work put into some of these! Very little work put into others! Great jobs all around! Congratulations on your #WINS!]

This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment

Asif Here | Feb 11th Score:-7

before I looked at the draft for $8357, I have faith …that…my mom in-law was like truly earning money in there spare time online.. there moms best frend had bean doing this for under twentey months and resantly cleared the mortgage on their appartment and bourt a great Lexus LS400. I went here………… BIT40.?O?

Posted in: Shhhh, Don’t Wake Up Will Smith!

[Assoc. Ed. Note: Uh, well, the top five lowest rated comments this week were all spam. So. We’ll try to stay more on top of finding and deleting these comments, we’re soorrrrryy!! But also, “there moms best frend had bean doing this for under twentey months” is great, TBH.]

This Week’s Caption Contest Winner

[Assoc.Ed. Note: In the past we would have prohibited this GIF from taking first place in the Caption Contest, because of the rule about GIFs in Monsters Ball, but it is 2013, and the voters have spoken, and also rules are made to be broken. So. Congratulations, five flasks from feeling fine! You earned it.]

This Week’s Associate Editor’s Choice (Mary)

  welcome to costco, i love you | Feb 11th Score:14

They say women end up marrying guys like their dads, but I think she took that saying too literally.

Posted in: Courtney Stodden Goes Shopping With Her Dad

[Assoc. Ed. Note: haha! True! Marry someone like your dad, sure, but not literally JUST LIKE your dad. Congrats, welcome to costco!]

This Week’s Associate Editor’s Choice (Kelly)

  huckabeast | Feb 13th Score:16

My Grandpa was was a poor farm boy who’d just gotten back from the Army and was out with some boys at a dance when he spied my grandmother across the room. He wanted to go talk to her, but one of his friends said that she was only into men who knew how to play music. So, he took up the ukelele and, a month later, went to her front door and played this song, “Has Anybody Seen My Gal?”, for her. She had no idea who he was, but was charmed enough to go on a date with him, and he enjoyed the ukelele enough to become a music teacher. Over the next sixty years, I suppose he taught hundreds of kids to play music, including my brothers and sisters, and he always started by teaching them to play “Has Anybody Seen My Gal?” My brother played it at his wedding last May, and he and my Grandma danced to it, and then asked if we could play it again, and they danced again. He passed away just a few weeks later, and he’d taught enough of us grandchildren to play music that we put together a decent band to play the song for his funeral, though we sobbed all the way through it.

Posted in: “Our Wedding Song” Is Just So Nice

[Assoc. Ed. Note: I like this very much.]

This Week’s Editor’s Choice

  lilbobbytables | Feb 13th Score:11

This is OT from memes, and for that I apologize, but is there a good argument for why there are no term limits for members of congress? I can’t be alone in finding the trend of career politicians to be problematic. And while I like to think that the people consistently re-elected over 40 years are just the best damn politicians ever, I suspect it is more along the lines of Office Space’s ‘doing the least amount of work to not get fired (or not re-elected in this case).

Posted in: As Far As Memes Go, The “Harlem Shake” Is A Pretty Good One

[Ed. Note: I’m a big fan of this comment because it was the first one posted on a blog about the Harlem Shake. Like, seriously, fair enough. This is a much more interesting and potentially important question than, for example, do you like the Harlem Shake or not? It’s called priorities, guys, and we should get some.]