Kelly: Hey, Gabe!
Gabe: hey kelly
Kelly: Happy early Valentine’s Day.
Gabe: thank you SO much
Kelly: You’re so so so welcome.
Gabe: the same to you
Gabe: blessed be the holy day
Gabe: are you doing anything fun for valentine’s day?
Gabe: bridget jones’s diary 2?
Gabe: teddy bear?
Gabe: i know all about this stuff
Kelly: I have a lot of big plans.
Kelly: It’s supposed to snow here in New York so I’m planning on getting up very early
Kelly: Going outside
Kelly: Digging a hole
Kelly: And saying in there until the snow buries me alive.
Gabe: v. romantic
Kelly: It’s going to be very nice!
Kelly: So if you’re planning on sending me flowers put a note in to make sure they throw them in the snow dirt
Kelly: Do you have plans?
Kelly: Seeing Die Hard?
Kelly: Pretending you don’t know it’s Valentine’s Day?
Gabe: i’m taking Birdie to see Die Hard
Kelly: Are you going to get her a special v-day treat
Gabe: i rented out Tiffany’s
Gabe: and she gets to pick one thing
Kelly: omg that’s so romantic
Gabe: and then afterwards
Gabe: i will take her straight to the vet
Gabe: to have the thing she picked
Gabe: removed from her stomach
Gabe: before it kills her
Gabe: because she will def have eaten it
Kelly: Hahah I was going to say
Kelly: You can even get your money back after she digests it
Kelly: I didn’t say it because I thought it would be too gross but here we are and I did say it
Gabe: keep the receipt!
Gabe: that’s what i say
Gabe: about valentine’s day
Gabe: keep those receipts!
Gabe: wait, but for real
Gabe: what movie are you going to watch
Gabe: all alone in your pajamas?
Gabe: for saint valentine’s day?
Kelly: Perks of Being A Wallflower on demand.
Gabe: you and your boyfriend should watch
Gabe: The Exotic Marigold Hotel
Gabe: and you can turn to him
Gabe: and say
Gabe: “if everything works out as well between us as it possibly can, we will be like these guys one day”
Gabe: i have no idea what happens in that movie
Gabe: it’s Hotel For Dogs
Gabe: but with old people?
Kelly: Right, I think
Kelly: And Dev Patel jumps on furniture
Kelly: That sounds good.
Kelly: And then I’ll say, “Which of us will die first, do you think?”
Kelly: “I think you, but I HOPE me.”
Gabe: your man will love that
Gabe: probably the most romantic valentine’s day movie date you can have
Gabe: is watching Irreversible
Gabe: and then you turn to them and say
Gabe: “I would bash the wrong person’s face in with a fire extinguisher in an S&M night club for you, my one and only”
Gabe: the most important thing when picking a romantic valentine’s day move date movie
Gabe: is knowing exactly what you are going to say to them
Gabe: when you turn to them
Kelly: Another good choice would be to watch The Good Son, which is on Netflix currently.
Kelly: And when it ends turn to them and say,
Kelly: “If our son is a psychopath, I’ll drop him off of a cliff.”
Gabe: or We Need To Talk About Kevin
Gabe: and then you turn to them
Gabe: and you say
Gabe: “LET’S MAKE A BABYYYYY!”
Gabe: i mean, to be fair
Gabe: an ideal Valentine’s Day movie date
Gabe: involves watching ANY movie
Gabe: and then turning to them
Gabe: and saying
Gabe: “LET’S MAKE A BABYYYYYY!”
Kelly: Yes. Not that we have to say that, as it is in every Valentine’s Day guide in women’s magazines.
Kelly: What Men REALLY Want
Kelly: (But Are Too Afraid To Tell You!)
Kelly: And then it is just a list of things they want you to yell at them after you watch a movie on Valentine’s Day.
Gabe: you should watch House of Cards for Valentine’s Day
Kelly: Ugh don’t even
Gabe: you should watch last week’s episode of Girls for Valentine’s Day
Gabe: and then write about it
Gabe: not for Videogum
Gabe: just on a piece of apper
Gabe: that you throw away when you’re done
Kelly: I feel like you’re not being totally serious with that suggestion, but it DOES sound like I would learn a lot about myself.
Kelly: So thank you, I will do it!
Gabe: House of Cards? great!
Gabe: you will love it, it’s so good
Gabe: unless you are an idiot
Gabe: you could watch You Can Count on Me
Gabe: give it another chance
Gabe: i feel like it’s been a couple years, maybe you won’t hate it this time around
Kelly: I hate everything you’re saying
Kelly: You know what you should watch on Valentine’s Day?
Kelly: “Thrift Shop” parodies
Kelly: That’s what you should watch!!!!!
Kelly: You Can Count On Me is my favorite movie though and maybe I will watch it this weekend.
Gabe: no one’s talking about your weekend, Kelly
Kelly: Oh, my weekend?
Kelly: My birthday weekend?
Kelly: Yeah maybe then I’ll watch it.
Gabe: you know what you should watch for your birthday?
Kelly: The Throne?
Kelly: :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(
Kelly: My other favorite movie is Buffalo ’66
Kelly: Which is a great Valentine’s Day movie, I’d recommend that one
Kelly: If someone asked
Kelly: “Hey, let me have one of these, uh, let me have a heart cookie, too.”
Gabe: is that what you’re going to put on your resume?
Kelly: :( :( !!!!
Gabe: Skills: recommending Buffalo 66 for Valentine’s Day
Kelly: It’s not a bad skill though
Gabe: Objective: to not be fired anymore
Gabe: Experience: none.
Gabe: and then you turn to the person interviewing you
Gabe: and you say
Gabe: “LET’S MAKE A BABYYYYYY!”
(Couple image via Shutterstock.)