This Week In Movie Trailers, You Guys

Last week there was no trailers post because there was no trailers. You can’t have a trailers post without the trailers lol! But I figured this week would be a piece of cake what with the Big Game last weekend. There’s always lots of movie trailers during the Big Game. Except for the most part it was all trailers for movies we’ve already talked about. Relax, Star Trek, we’re on board. Give it up, Lone Ranger, we’ll never be on board. There was one movie trailer, however, that was new, and after they showed a one minute teaser during the Big Game (Fun Fact: I get a 10 blog bucks bonus every time I say Big Game) they released a full three minute trailer on-line this week. I’m talking, of course, about the #1 movie of the year: Fast and Furious Six. It’s the only trailer we’re going to talk about today. SO BUCKLE UP! (Get it? Tell me if you don’t get it, I’ll explain.)

First of all, let me just say that I have not historically been a huge fan of the Fast & Furious series. Let’s just get that right out in the open. I think I finally saw the first Fast & Furious movie, like, two years ago. (Although I did see whatever that one was, Project X? Where Vin Diesel grinds down a Viennese staircase on a dinner tray. So extreme, man.) I’ve for sure never seen the second movie, or Tokyo Drift, and I don’t think I saw the fourth one either but maybe I did but who knows/cares. But then last year (for the extended version of this story, please listen to my episode of The Moth!) they started running Fast Five Five Furious on television, so one Sunday afternoon I watched it, and holy moly, that movie is so great. Have you seen it? If you haven’t seen it, you seriously should see it this weekend. Look, it’s not The 400 Blows and no one is saying it is The 400 Blows. It is not even L’eclisse! (I mean, if we’re going down that road, it’s not even fucking Napoleon Dynamite.) But if you even like action movies just a little bit, the action sequences in that movie are so fun and exciting. At one point they drag a [NO SPOILERS] through the streets of [NO SPOILERS] smashing up all the [NO SPOILERS] and you don’t know which [NO SPOILERS] contains the [NO SPOILERS] or if they will ever get away with [NO SPOILERS]! The point is: YEAH!

In between the action sequences, though, that is when the real magic happens. Every time anyone opens their mouth and says anything, it is almost impossible to describe how stupid it is. Just atrocious dialogue delivered terribly. But do you know what happens when this happens? You might be thinking “we are all such sophisticated adults, we don’t have time for such pish posh.” I tell you that YOU DO HAVE TIME FOR SUCH PISH POSH because what happens when the worst dialogue ever written is delivered by the worst actors in herstory is that YOU LAUGH OUT LOUD CONSTANTLY. I laughed harder at Fast Five Five Furious than I did at any comedy made in the past three years. So you’re either laughing very hard, or watching something very exciting. That’s a pretty good movie experience to have! And this movie looks like it will be no different. “Do you believe in ghosts?” “Uh, guys, they have a tank.” ARE YOU KIDDING ME? IS THIS STEP BROTHERS 2? BECAUSE I AM LOL.

What I’m trying to say is that Fast Six Fast Furious looks great. I am excited to see it!