Bam Margera – Comedy (÷) Time = Tragedy

Before we even talk about Bam Margera’s new “music video” for his original dubstep composition “Bend My Dick To My Ass,” let me just remind everyone that the Jackass trilogy of movies are art. Not a joke. You can like or dislike those movies, but they belong in a museum. We have talked about this before. Personally, I have never laughed harder than watching Jackass 1 at the discount movie theater, which is the only place I was willing to go see it, so deeply was I opposed to the idea of a Jackass movie in the beginning. The second movie is great, too, but it’s obviously the third movie, which was released in 3D, that was their ultimate triumph. Put a frame around it and sell it at Sotheby’s because it is art. No one should buy a 3D television because they are garbage headache machines and that whole technology is a total scam-fad that will be gone in five years, but if you DO buy a 3D TV it should be for the sole purpose of watching Jackass 3D at home (and maybe Wim Wenders’s dance documentary, Pina. Maybe). But make art in one hand and self-implode in the other and see which one fills up with vomit and crocodile bites first. I don’t know if you can say exactly that the Jackass boys have suffered for their art, but they are definitely suffering. There’s the tragedy of Ryan Dunn. Steve-O seems to be doing a lot better these days now that he is sober and hosting that funny (in short bursts) karaoke show on Tru, but there was awhile where it seemed like he might just straight up die. That is what it seemed like! But perhaps the hardest thing to watch* is going to be the long and slow decline of these once youthful mischief makers into untethered, irrelevant, thrill seeking middle aged men with no filter and an entire lifetime’s worth of bad decision making skills positively reinforced with cash, motorbikes, and free television shows. Every time one of these guys literally shot themselves in the foot, someone handed them a movie contract, but that’s going to go away, and all that will be left is the hospital bill.

Case in point Bam Margera, for whom I have no sympathy whatsoever. That guy has made a living being an asshole to his own family. Also this. And this. Good riddance. When Keyboard Cat plays him off, I hope it’s a synth rendition of “Bend My Dick To My Ass.” Get it? Because DOUBLE FAIL.

The video is NSFW by the way. And Bam Margera is the NSFWORST.

Boo! Hiss! I hope Bam’s skateboard breaks in half and he runs out of snacks and his tattoo artist misspells his next tattoo. SORRY, BUT THERE YOU HAVE IT. Life is long, and I am not putting up with 40 more years of whatever blood bubbles Bam Margera farts out of his mouth. Enough.

*This is a big hyperbolic. The saddest thing to watch is people dying tragically, not just making horrible music videos on their own dime. R.I.P. Ryan Dunn.