How Was Everyone’s Day Today?

Hey guys! How was everyone’s day today? I hope yours is going well, but no matter how well it’s going I don’t think it could be going any better than Manti Te’o’s. I’m sorry! That’s just how the cookie crumbles. Sometimes you have the best day and sometimes Manti Te’o has the best day, during which he appears on Katie Couric’s daytime talk show Katie and successfully (not successfully) convinces everyone in America that he had no idea the girl he was dating for over a year before she died did not exist and was not dead and was actually a man, and also let the world know, finally, that he is “far from gay, FAR FROM IT!” [Ed note: Good sentence, Kelly, perfect length!] Hahah. You have no idea how much fake internet pussy this guy gets on the reg. “Didn’t you hear how long I stayed on the phone with the guy doing a girl voice while he was not actually in the hospital? Please.” To be fair, though, he brought with him some of the voicemails his fake girlfriend left for him and they DO sound very feminine. I think he put it best when he said, “Sounds like a woman. Incredible talent to do.” Hahahaha. Ahhh! Just a truly incredible talent to do. I’ve never heard anyone do that talent any better than this guy. I’ve heard a lot of people do it and he does it with the very best of them. [Ed. note: Possible follow up story: how much fun did that little boy have making the phone calls to the football player pretending to be his sick girlfriend? Is he sad that he cannot have this kind of fun anymore? Send link to: Slate, BuzzFeed, Salon, Andrew Sullivan.] Oh, Manti. You’re a diamond in the sky [Ed. note: “diamond in the sky”?] and I’m not sure that any of us will ever understand you or the truth behind your hoax, but do know that we all appreciate it very much. [Ed. note: Kelly, this is a good start to your post, but you don’t even mention the part in the interview where Manti Te’O explains to Katie Couric about a particularly “emotional” voicemail that he got from the other little boy pretending to be the woman in which she complains that she called and another woman answered the phone, to which Manti Te’O responded this was impossible because he locks his door every night, which a) is already in and/of itself hilarious because what is he talking about and also why does it sound like he has to lock his door for fear that a woman will come in and kiss him on the mouth. Use details like this to color your posts. Another good joke to make would be to make Manti Te’O say, “I told her that was impossible because girls don’t exist.” Jokes like that are very funny. Let’s just not run this post today, but you did a great job on this practice post and we’ll run one of your blog posts tomorrow! Great work, though. You will get there!]

So. Clearly your day has not been Manti Te’o’s, but how was it anyway?