The White House Responds To A Death Star Petition Obviously

What is going on over there?! “Over there” meaning I guess the Washington D.C. but also “over there” meaning anywhere people write and sign a joke petition to begin the construction of a Death Star on the White House’s “We the People” website. A Joe Biden TV show sure, BUT THIS? (Just kidding. Obviously it is this. I can’t believe it isn’t all this.) From The Hollywood Reporter:

The Galactic Empire shot a rhetorical tractor beam at the White House on Tuesday, issuing a statement that mocked President Obama’s decision not to pursue the construction of a Death Star.

The Obama administration said Friday that it would not build the planet-sized superweapon despite a robust petition effort, citing its distaste for the destruction of planets, among other reasons. The “Empire” — via a playful statement on — claimed that the decision confirmed its “overwhelming military superiority” and dismissed the White House’s claims that the Death Star’s construction — estimated to cost $850 quadrillion — would increase the deficit.

Uh, how about quit it with all the cute Star Wars humor and DO YOUR JOBS, WHITE HOUSE! AND ALSO LET THEM DO THEIR JOBS, NERDS! But while we’re on the subject: Maybe we should do one of these petitions? Someone already did a petition to have Piers Morgan deported because he’s going to take away all the guns, right? So I guess we can’t do that one…hmmm…Maybe we can start a petition to allow Krispy Kreme to keep his God-given name, even though he doesn’t need it? Maybe we can sign one to bury the whole Internet underground on the moon? Or maybe we can sign one to make it mandatory that Clueless closets are provided in all Brooklyn apartments, or we can sign one to have the government have to put a lot of money towards researching how to do the thing where Sabrina the Teenage Witch points a finger at herself and she’s ready for the day? I don’t know, but I do think we should get in there and start wasting everybody’s time because Lord knows it’s going to be wasted by SOMEONE and it might as well be us just kidding I don’t think we should do this at all.