Gerard Depardieu Is Mr. Cool Passport

If you’ve been following the Gerard Depardieu news, read a book. Guys! You don’t have to follow everything. Life is about making choices. Anyway, after the election of France’s new president, Francois Hollande, the socialist government (actually socialist, not, like, FOX News socialist) raised tax rates on everybody including particularly heavy burdens on the country’s rich. So Gerard Depardieu said he was moving to Belgium. Haha. Uh, OK? Why are we even talking about this? I do not remember the last time anyone was too worried about where Gerard Depardieu put his couch full of farts. (You KNOW this guy’s couch is just lousy with captured farts.) But then Vladimir Putin extended an offer to Gerard Depardieu to come live in Russia. WHAT IS EVEN GOING ON HERE? Shouldn’t Vladimir Putin be controlling and manipulating his puppet government rather than dealing with the taxation/citizenship issues of Whoopi Goldberg’s co-star in Bogus? Or at least be out hunting black bears with no shirt on? And then Gerard Depardieu accepted this offer, and now he has a Russian passport, and here he is posing with it in one of his normal shirts. This whole thing makes sense. I’m mostly just glad to know that we’ve cured all of the diseases and ended all the wars. This seriously feels like Putin’s attempt to get something going on Tumblr. Look at Gerard Depardieu’s face! He’s loving this whole thing, he does not look like a man who has been told that his head will be cut off if he does not hug his binky tight and do what he is told. Everyone’s doing great. 2013: best year yet?! (Via Animal.)