That’s Not Your Girlfriend, Justin Beiber

“I don’t know, I guess I just thought we could have really had something. It’s like, you try to meet people, go on dates or whatever, and — I know this sounds lame, but, like, it doesn’t even matter if you’re famous. On either side of the equation. Sure, maybe some people are more interested in dating a famous person than dating a non-famous person, so you’d think that would increase your chances of finding someone special, but do you really want to date someone who only wants to date you because you’re famous? And, on the other side, do you really want to date some dumb jerk just because he’s in the public eye? No! All anyone wants is to meet someone special. And is it true that this someone special is definitely super too young for me, or anyone, to even be talking about dating? Yes! Maybe! How old am I, anyway? I’m not sure, are you? I’m not still dating Selena Gomez, am I? I’m pretty sure that ended a few months ago, and then I think I was dating a young Victoria’s Secret model? Right? Who knows. Anyway, I thought this girl was the one for me, but it turns out she hates me so much.” -Justin Beiber

This girl is honestly the best, though. That alien joke? Love it. You can do much better, girl. Justin Beiber — well, I guess all I can say is that I’m sorry. (Via BuzzFeed.)