Developing A Plot For The Angry Birds Movie

In June of last year, Hollywood (or whatever) announced that it would be transitioning Rovio, the gaming company behind Angry Birds, into a film and television company and turning Angry Birds from a cellphone game into a movie franchise. That is the world that we had no choice but to be born into, so it’s best just to accept it. Little has been heard since then about this incredible idea, until today — the  third anniversary of the wonderful cellphone game Angry Birds. From Coming Soon:

On the third anniversary of the release of Angry Birds, Rovio Entertainment has announced that Despicable Me producer John Cohen has signed on as producer of the upcoming Angry Birds movie. David Maisel, former Chairman of Marvel Studios and executive producer of Iron Man, will be executive producer of the 3D CG-animated feature film, coming to theaters in summer 2016. The film will be produced and financed by Rovio Entertainment.

2016? THAT’S LIKE A MILLION YEARS FROM NOW! By 2016 we’re all going to be shooting holograms of birds off of real objects from our Samsung Galaxy SX without a care in the world, the sun getting closer and closer to our planet in a way that is, at that point, more comforting than anything else. But, no matter. That just gives us more time to think about WHAT THE PLOT IS GOING TO BE!

Here are my ideas:

  • Two angry birds go on a road trip. They start off deeply in love and you’re thinking, “uh-oh” because you saw the previews and you know that they’re going to fall out of love at some point. 1/4 of the way into the movie they fall out of love. 3/4 of the way into the movie you think they’re pretty much back in love, but by the end of it you’re like “Hmm, are they? Should they?” And it makes you think about your own relationship.
  • An angry bird comic has a dark past. “What did he do?” you wonder, because he won’t tell anyone. 3/4 of the way through he tells a girl he’s fallen in love with that he caused an accident that killed his first love’s father when he was a young man. (This idea was stolen from a letter to Slate’s Dear Prudence, but it’s possible no one will know.) Oh no! Will the girl stay in love with him? Can she fix him? Must he fix HIMSELF?
  • A bunch of angry birds are on a spaceship and have to fight a space demon. There’s some comedy but mostly it’s an action movie. It’s touch-and-go for most of it, but they eventually kill the thing or at least put him in his place.
  • It’s a period piece about a female angry bird sticking up for herself and for all female angry birds in a way that is very empowering and makes you feel like you’re learning something, even though it’s all fiction. You are still inspired, though.

Hey, those are some pretty good ideas! Take note, John Cohen! Do you guys have any ideas for the Angry Birds movie? Has anyone played Angry Birds? What’s up?