News Anchor Proposes Live On-Air, Is Immediately Fired (Hopefully)

Hey, man, remember how you worked really hard to get a rare, well-payed, glamorous job as a television news anchor? Sure, it’s in your local market and you’ve got dreams and aspirations of moving to a bigger city, asking the tougher questions, at least getting off of the morning beat and into something more substantial, but still: nicely done, you have a grasp on that big brass ring. So, hey, with that in mind, I was thinking, HOW ABOUT YOU DO YOUR GODDAMNED JOB! I love love as much as the next guy and your girlfriend seems really nice, but also sandbagged, and also this is THE FUCKING NEWS. And if you bring up the fact that Al Roker puts old people’s faces on Smuckers jars every morning, let me tell you that I’M NOT A HUGE FAN OF THAT EITHER, but at least in that case we are talking about a civilian’s birthday, not using our public-facing job to glorify what is in general a distinctly private event. “But Gabe, people propose on jumbotrons, and with flash mobs.” People do lots of stuff that is BAD that they SHOULDN’T DO. I guess if someone proposed to his girlfriend by jumping off a cliff you would do that too? Actually, that would be better. Ugh. If this happened in a Garry Marshall movie about St. Patrick’s Day, I would be like, NO, GARRY MARSHALL. “But Gabe, at the end of the day, this is still about two people who love each other, and isn’t that what is important?” No, what is important is that we stop turning everything into a fucking YouTube view-counting party that’s a half-step above or below (it doesn’t matter) being on a Vh1 reality show in terms of delusional, narcissistic self-aggrandizement. Stop it. Take her on a picnic! Go to the beach! Cook the engagement ring into a prison cake! I don’t care, just get out of my fucking face with these proposals you are all being obnoxious and I don’t know what they see in you! #RAGEVIRUS (Via Reddit.)