Every Second, Another Ryan Rox Is Born

I have a hard time believing any suggestion that the world was ever any better than it is right now. Worse, maybe. What with all of the, you know, institutionalized racism and sexism and anti-Semitism and homophobia combined with the rudimentary understanding of human health and the non-existant child labor laws and the complete lack of IMAX or DirectTV. But better? No. People have always been stupid. The world has always been cruel. It has never been anything but hard out there for a shrimp. That being said, it does seem like we have entered into a slightly modified (I will not say whether it is better or worse) cultural climate in which everyone believes that they are entitled to incredible fame and wealth if for no other reason than that they kind of want it. That’s the funny part: a lot of these kids don’t even seem to want it THAT bad, they just seem to feel like if other people can have it, they might as well have it, and then once they have it they can decide if they like it or not. Your Justin Biebers and your Chloe Moretzes: they want it. The Rebecca Blacks just have nothing better to do. Which brings us to the newest addition to our Overexposed Teen Menagerie: Ryan Rox. It would seem Ryan wants to be the next Brokencyde, or at the very least, the next Lonely Island parody of youth culture. Check out his newest joint, “Lose Control”:

Eesh. DRINK A CUP OF COFFEE BEFORE YOU TURN THE CAMERA ON, RYAN! Also, I am not sure that you are allowed to say “I am Ryan Rox, but you probably already knew that,” when you yourself are fully aware that we definitely didn’t already know that. Just kidding, this is America. Congrats to the new celeb. I cannot wait to see pictures of him on Just Jared Jr. buying Starbucks and getting gas. We are the best ever and forever. (Thanks for the tip, Matt.)