Videogum

A Breakfast Video, For The Morning

If I had 10 wishes, somewhere in the latter 5 I would wish that every video on the Internet were replaced with a video detailing the “most expensive” food or drink item for every food or drink in the world. “Oh please, please grant this wish for me,” I’d beg, even though it was guaranteed that I had 10 wishes and this certainly fit within them. “Please, all I desperately want to know is if anyone ever put a bunch of gold on a hot dog, or if someone has ever put a million tiny diamonds on an ice cream cone. Do you know what ingredients are included in the most expensive penne alla vodka? Please, please, PLEASE just let me watch a video about how expensive the most expensive bowl of cereal is.” Crying, I’d attempt to detail how important this wish was to me and to the world. “No,” the person in charge of granting the wish would say, even though nothing in the rules ever stated that he or she could refuse a wish. “That is a terrible wish and I refuse to grant it.” “WHAT THE HELL?” I’d scream, though I did somehow know that this wish would never be granted. And I’ll be left to savor the few “most expensive food item” videos that the Internet allots, like this one about a garbage omelette that a strange woman says she would spend $1000 on “once in a while” for “a nice treat.”

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, WOMAN? THROW THAT HORRIFYING NOVELTY DISH IN THE GARBAGE AND HAVE A BLACK COFFEE LIKE THE REST OF US. (Via UniqueDaily.)