What’s Your Celebrity Alias?

It is a slightly well-known fact that when celebrities check into hotels or make reservations at restaurants and want that business to remain private, they will sometimes use a different name from their Hollywood name. I’m almost positive that this is a fact most people know. But one thing I do not understand is that if they do want to remain private, why are all of their aliases so fucking ridiculous? From Courier Journal:

When Johnny Depp checks into a hotel, the A-list actor probably won’t be using his real name. Instead, you can just call him Mr. Drip Noodle. That’s the moniker the “Pirates of the Caribbean” star has been known to register under to protect his privacy, according to Us Weekly.

But he’s not the only celebrity with a covert identity.

Brad Pitt and Angelina are also known as Bryce and Jasmine Pilaf when the superstar couple want to go incognito when checking into hotels.

Hip hop star Jay-Z uses the alias Frank Sinatra, whom he raps about — “I’m the new Sinatra” — in his Big Apple anthem “Empire State of Mind.”

Meanwhile, Justin Bieber checks in under the name Chandler Bing, which was Matthew Perry’s character on “Friends.”

AHHHHH, JUSTIN BIEBER! While “Chandler Bing” is 100% the MOST PERFECT name you could pick for yourself, if you have to pick a name for yourself other than your own name (in fact I’m not sure why every Catholic doesn’t pick “Chandler Bing” as his or her confirmation name), I’m not sure it is the best choice for not causing a stir at a hotel, because if I worked at a hotel I would be much more excited that Chandler Bing was staying the night than I would be about Justin Bieber. Hell, even if I thought it was just a non-fictional man whose REAL NAME was “Chandler Bing” I would be super psyched. “TMZ? THIS IS KELLY. COME DOWN TO THE HOTEL, THERE IS A PERSON NAMED CHANDLER BING CHECKING IN AT 2PM.” With that said, now that we know Justin Bieber has already taken the perfect alias for himself, WHAT WOULD YOUR COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS HOTEL/RESTAURANT ALIAS BE IF YOU NEEDED ONE? Mine would be “Vin¢ent Gall-hello PeeUPantz.” Or “Blippidy Bloop Sir, The Third Spelled Out.” Or, “Monica Joey Rachel Gunther Ross Phoebe Chandler.” What a smart game!