A Completely Unsurprising Fact About Gwyneth Paltrow REVEALED!

The thing about Gwyneth Paltrow is that you can’t even really make fun of her because she has become such a parody of herself that everything she says and does is more ridiculous and perfectly in line with the outlandish image we all have of her than anything you could make up. And yet here we are, still giving it the old college try. And that’s what makes us so great. From the DailyMail (via Celebitchy):

It’s no secret that Gwyneth Paltrow flies the flag for healthy living. But it seems her outlook on life has gone a little far as she projects strict parenting on her children. The Talented Mr Ripley actress has revealed that she only allows eight-year-old daughter Apple, and son Moses, six, to watch television in French or Spanish instead of their native English.

Speaking to InStyle magazine, the mother-of-two said Apple was ‘cross’ as ‘I only let them watch TV in French or Spanish’. She added: ‘When I’m in France, I go to [Boulevard] Beaumarchais and buy all their cartoons.’

Right. Yes. Of course you only let your children (APPLE and MOSES, like, can we please not forget THAT part? Can that not become such a routine detail that we overlook it completely because, you know, APPLE and MOSES?) watch French and Spanish cartoons, and in so describing you say that your six year old child gets “cross.” CROSS! No one gets cross. There hasn’t been a single cross person since Charles Dickens died of croup. “I’m nine stone’s worth of cross.” No. Stop it, man. I do love describing her as the Talented Mr. Ripley actress though. She has been in 21 movies since then, including Iron Man 1 and Iron Man 2, The Royal Tanenbaums, and Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. But try as she might, to the rest of the world she will always be “the Talented Mr. Ripley actress.” Brava.