If I Ever Watched An Episode Of Dr. Phil It Would Be This One

I’ve never watched an actual episode of Dr. Phil, and I am not about to start now. One time I did see him berating a mother AND her daughter for, like, having problems, but I had to turn it off. He was like “you need to do this, and you need to do that,” and then they cut to footage for Fat Camp, or something, and at a certain point you are like, what am I watching? If I keep watching this will I be immortal? Because if I’m still going to die one day then off this goes! He’s not even a real doctor, you know. Oh, he might have some kind of license or degree. But when Lil Wayne picks up that fucking guitar no one thinks he’s a real guitar player. Just because you can say you are something doesn’t make you that something, especially when you prove time and time again in public that you couldn’t be further from it. He’s probably less of a doctor than even Dr. Drew, who is also not a doctor. BUT, if I WERE going to watch an episode of Dr. Phil, I would definitely watch next Monday’s episode in which he interviews a very visibly drunk Dina Lohan. I can wax moral all I want, this is still AMERICA. The promo for the episode is after the jump and it’s great:

See? Like, that’s enough. We don’t need to watch a whole episode of this. But, if we ever did, this would be a good one. With your tiny shoes and your tiny tie. HA HA HA. Good one, Dina Lohan, you old bag. Also, what kind of black magic did Michael Lohan weave to come out of this one seemingly looking like the “sane” and “rational” member of the family? They clearly edited that one clip of him because the full quote is “Was she drunk when you interviewed her? Or was she just on cocaine and Diet Red Bull like I am?” GOOD SHOW, GOOD HEALTH, GOOD FAMILY, GOOD OBAMA, GOOD ROMNEY, GOOD USA!