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Now None Of Us Can Marry Either Blake Lively OR Ryan Reynolds

Should the perfectly normal, none-of-our-business, private life of a celebrity ever be considered “news”? Like, is it “news” when two celebrities we will never even meet break up? Is it “news” when two famous strangers get married to each other? I don’t know. Who can tell? But let me follow up that question with this question: Is it “news” when your HEART GETS TRAMPLED ON AND THE PLAN YOU HAD FOR YOUR LIFE GETS COMPLETELY RUINED AND IT ALL HAPPENS TOTALLY OUT OF THE BLUE AND YOU JUST DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH IT RIGHT NOW? IS THAT “NEWS”?! From People:

It’s been nearly a year since they were first publicly linked – and now Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds are husband and wife.

Noooooooooooo!!

A source confirms to PEOPLE that the couple tied the knot Sunday night at Boone Hall Plantation in Mt. Pleasant, S.C., just outside of Charleston.

The reception took place in a white tent at the plantation on Sunday evening. Florence Welch (of Florence and the Machine), a good friend of the Gossip Girl star, performed three songs live, and there was also a deejay who spun tunes. PEOPLE also confirmed that a cake was being driven down from Virginia for the event.

Driven in from Virginia. I guess if you’re going to break our hearts Blake Lively and/or Ryan Reynolds, you might as well go all out and get a cake from whatever the hell state you want to. No, no — don’t hold back on our behalf. We’ll be fine. You could’ve given us some warning, maybe let it leak to us first through a friend of a friend, but I understand that you’re busy right now. Busy being in love WITH EACH OTHER. Makes me sick, really. So callous.