This Week In Movie Trailers, You Guys

Lots of trailers this week, you guys. Do you want me to ramble on and on or should we just get to it? That’s what I thought, too.

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters

Oh wowwwwwww! How pumped is everyone behind this movie, just knowing that they’re sitting on a gold mine? “If we do half as well as Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter then we are set for life, but we expect this movie to do even better because this is a made up quote!” This is so clearly some kind of scrambling attempt to make up for losing out on the bid to make AL:VH or something? But that movie did not ah do ah so hot, and this movie looks even worse maybe? Or at the very least equally bad. Hey, remember when Dame Jeremy Renner was in that movie about Iraq that was really really good and everyone was like this guy is so good? Yeah.

Rust and Bone

I am sure that this movie is very touching and powerful. It looks good! But also the idea of two separate worlds colliding being the worlds of whale trainers and street fighters is just, I mean, right, no, yes, haha, yes, they ARE different! As different as can be, you have me on that one. Are those real worlds? Sort of. I guess. Let’s fall in love!

Love and Honor

Did anyone realize that this movie took place in the late ’60s before someone said “I didn’t realize Jane had a boyfriend in Vietnam”? Or were you all like me and still are not sure when this movie is supposed to take place? I think they don’t show this in the trailer but Liam Hemsworth is actually just Quantum Leaping into the Vietnam war? And that’s why nothing looks quite right and this seems like a Nicholas Sparks movie set on a beach in 2004? Perfect. Fandango.

A Christmas Story 2

When this trailer went on-line this week people exploded, talking about what a horrible travesty it was and how it was yet another example of Hollywood’s complete stupidity and lack of original thought and money hunger. All of those things are totally true. This looks awful. But, and I recognize that I’m about to say something that is going to make people very upset, as a Jew who did not have a tradition of watching A Christmas Story every year and who came to that movie rather late in life, guess what: that movie isn’t so great either. It’s got some funny moments I guess, but you might be surprised if you were able to see clearly how well this hackneyed, unnecessary trailer for a sequel actually gets it “right.” SORRY!!!!

Twice Born


This Must Be the Place

Weird. Guys, I think I’m actually turning the corner on this movie. At first it was all jokes about the way Sean Penn looked. And then it was all jokes about the way Sean Penn talked. But now there is this new trailer and is it just me or does this actually look potentially great? Maybe it was smart to keep dragging this movie out and not releasing it for years and years (or at least that is how it feels) because now I’m suddenly in a place in my life where I kind of like the idea of an aging rock star hunting a Nazi war criminal. And you can say what you want about Sean Penn, and we have, but he clearly committed to the role 100 percent. Good for him. Also: David Byrne!

The Comedy teaser

This movie seems to make people so mad. Why are they so mad?! What is it about this movie?! I guess we will see. The Ring.