Today Is The Most Boring Day Of The Internet Year

Every year in January there is that trend piece that goes around about how scientists determined that January 14th is the “most depressing day of the year,” or whatever, I’m so bored right now that I don’t even have the energy to look up the real thing but I know you know what I’m talking about. And then someone else will be like, “Actually, it’s January 15th,” and you’re like, “Let’s all kill ourselves.” Now, I don’t have any scientists in my lab, but I have determined for a FACT that today, the Tuesday before Labor Day, is the most boring day of the Internet year. Seriously, what are we all even doing here? Let’s get the fuck out of here! There is nothing going on. Which is fine. There shouldn’t be. All the summer movies have opened, the new TV shows haven’t started yet, it’s your last week to pretend like summer is fun and breezy and not a damp, sweaty grind of lassitude and disappointment. So who wants to look at some blog? There is literally nothing going on right now. Here’s what’s going on, for an example, look at this story about how people at the Today show are mad at Matt Lauer:

Staffers and producers at the TODAY show hold Matt Lauer responsible for the continued decline in the ratings because they hold him responsible for Ann Curry being fired,” a source close to the situation tells Radar. “The staff wants Ann to be brought back and want Matt replaced with Lester Holt, but they know the odds of this happening are slim to none, because executives at the network have no interaction whatsoever with the TODAY show staff.

Hahahah. OK! Great story. Someone with absolutely no power or decision-making-capacity at the Today show is mad about Anne Curry and it doesn’t matter at all. STOP THE PRESSES VIKI VALE. And that is honestly INTERESTING compared to whatever else is even not going on at all. I guess Gwyneth Paltrow is moving back to Los Angeles (sorry England). Want to talk about that? What do you guys want to talk about? The beach? We already talked about Mike on Breaking Bad. What else is there? Forget it. Throw your computer in the bath tub. UNSUBSCRIBE. (Image via Shutterstock.)