Who Should Play The Rocketeer In Disney’s Reboot Of The Rocketeer?

Walt Disney is planning a reboot of the 1991 film The Rocketeer, which is actually the least offensive reboot I’ve ever heard of. That movie was a dud. I remember being so excited about that movie mostly because I think there was a very smart Burger King tie-in or something, and then it’s like, why is that steampunk man flying through that clothesline of laundry? (Right? Doesn’t he mostly just fly through some laundry? Like “Whoaoooooaoooo oh nooooooo!” and maybe there’s a baseball game? Ugh, The Rocketeer.) Am I supposed to think that is cool? Even in the ’90s, children didn’t think the ’30s were cool. But so, yeah, go ahead and remake it! I’m sure the children of 2014 will LOVE steampunk 1930s “superheroes” who wear leather jackets and bloomy trousers and make their own helmets out of a car or whatever. “We love it! Please RT!” The question now, of course, is the same question that it always is: who should play the Rocketeer?! The most obvious choice would be Jaden Smith because he already played the Karate Kid in the remake of The Karate Kid so he has a lot of experience with lead roles in reboots of ’80s and ’90s children’s classics. Other hot actors include Ryan Gosling, Channing Tatum, and Billy Zane. You can always go the stunt route and cast Jennifer Lawrence AS Katniss AS the Rocketeer. (Or Wanda Sykes. Double stunt. Wait, triple stunt?) But I think the most obvious choice to play the new Rocketeer and really get the kids excited is Iron Man. Kids love Iron Man! Just make the Rocketeer be Iron Man. Oh my God, they’ll FLIP! I’m not talking about Robert Downey Jr., either. I mean, he can be in the movie. He’s totally winning and fun. But I mean Iron Man. The robot. Put him in there. Open wide.