Hi everyone. My name is Starlee. We’ve met before. Nice to see you again. You’re looking fit. I really mean that. And that’s not some sort of dis meant to imply that you were the opposite of fit before. You were perfect. If anything, you’re looking too healthy now. A little scruff adds character. That last sentence is what Robert Pattinson fell asleep telling himself last week and what Kristen Stewart falls asleep telling herself this week. Don’t worry, we’re going to get to those two in a bit.
I write stories for the radio show This American Life such as this one here.
This intro is supposed to give you some context as to who I am, with the aim of establishing a bond to get you to do what I want. Guest editing is not all that different from that movie the Negotiator with Samuel Jackson and Kevin Spacey which continues to run on cable nonstop even though it was made in 1998. I watch it every time.
If you had asked me when I thought that movie was made prior to one minute ago when I looked it up, I would’ve answered, “Man, why are you asking me such an obvious question? Obviously it was made in 2003.” That’s not supposed to happen with dates that fall on either side of a millennium, especially when there’s a horrific, era defining tragedy in between. My point is that we’ve all known for awhile now that the nineties is when everyone figured out how to dress and style their hair in a way that wasn’t completely embarrassing. The downside of this is that thrift stores are now filled with Old Navy t-shirts but the upside is that any kid born after 1990 can regard their elementary school pics without shame. Which is fortunate, since this development coincided with the invention of the internet. Maybe having all that potential embarrassment removed from their lives freed this kids up to predict the future to a frighteningly accurate albeit bland degree.
Of course, there’s another way to predict the future too. At least when it comes to the fates of child stars. Here’s Cindy Brady letting her full blown cat lady out of the bag: