That’s Your Boyfriend: Chill Assassination Attempt Victim

“I don’t know that I would even say that I know what I look for in a man, because if you say what it is that you think you’re looking for, then you’re potentially eliminating the possibility to meet all these other great people who don’t fit your criteria. If I knew what I was looking for, I would like to think that I would have found it by now, so maybe I don’t even know who the right person for me is. There are definitely characteristics I like and dislike, and there are a few that are total dealbreakers for sure, but I try to keep an open mind. That being said, I’ve been around the block a few times, and I do know that one thing I really enjoy in a man, and this isn’t, like, a MUST, so if the next guy I’m with isn’t like this, I’m sure he’ll be great in other ways, but ideally, I really like a man who if we were to get married and divorced and then years after our separation I was to hire a local hit man for an embarrassingly low rate to assassinate my ex-husband, I want him when the plan falls apart and my hit man turns federal on me and the plan blows up in my face and the reporters descend on his house, I want him to be so chill about it. I want him to talk about it like it’s Friday afternoon traffic. I want him to talk about it like it’s a takeout dinner. Oooh, I just love that quality in a man!”

- You

That’s your assassination target! (Via BuzzFeed.)