Duh Aficionado Magazine: Don’t Borrow Money From Octomom

Honestly, I’m not even sure who Octomom is. I’ve totally heard her name before, and I know she’s the mother of a bunch of squids, but that’s about it. Lucky me! I really dodged a bullet with her whole story and managed to ignore all of it. That being said, even with basically no understanding of who she is or why we know about her, I’m still totally confident in saying you should NOT borrow money from her. She is not a reliable lending institution! Please know that I understand how hard things can get out there for a shrimp, and there is absolutely no shame in asking other people for help when you need help. We all have to put food on our family, etc, etc. But man oh man, even in the darkest of the lonely nights, please know there are other options out there for you besides whatever even in the hell this supposedly is? Get out of here with this. Even Bernie Madoff is just, like, “Guys? Come on.” You’re going to get a better rate from Paulie Walnuts than you will from this idiot. And he’s not even a real person! (But then again, neither is she!) Mad Money’s Jim Cramer just downgraded this from a Do Not Buy to an AWOOOGAH! Occupy duh street. We are the no way percent.

WHEN DOES THE PIZZA GUY COME IN FOR THE SEX? What even is this? Such a good bank. Total bank for the bankheads out there. (Via Dlisted.)