Keep Your Fingers Crossed For This Jumanji Reboot!

Life is short. One day we’ll all wake up and we’ll be 130 years old and we’ll think, “Where did all the time go?” “How much life did I waste, exactly, not going back re-doing the events in my life that, the first time around, were totally fine if not pretty good, actually?” And we’ll sit in our moon beds waiting, wondering, and decaying, but the sad truth will be that we’ll never know. We’ll never know how much more fun we could’ve had if we went back to our high schools and got our diplomas for the second and third times. How much better those third and fourth first kisses would’ve been. How much more special to watch our children walk for the first time, the second time. But one person out there will know. And that person is the movie Jumanji. From Shortlist

With Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and The Bodyguard both in the firing line, it’s just been announced that Jumanji will also be getting a modern update. The evil board game adventure with Robin Williams and a very young Kirsten Dunst will be receiving a reboot, according to a Sony executive.

“We’re going to try and reimagine Jumanji and update it for the present,” Doug Belgrad told The Hollywood Reporter. What this means isn’t yet clear although, considering our temporary phobia of board games post-release, there’s plenty of potential.

“Going to try,” Doug Belgrad, Sony executive? “GOING TO TRY”?  Give me a break with that defeatist bologna. Here’s a reimagining of Jumanji updated for the present, and I’m not even going to try and it’s going to be perfect: “Jumanji is a video game.”  BOOM. Nerds find the board game buried in sand somewhere and develop it into a video game and then everything happens in the same way as the first Jumanji except the tone is darker and the colors are more saturated. Are we done here, Doug Belgrad? Can we please hurry up with this Jumanji reboot? #YOLHMTHDTMAMTEHASBTWIOOIBSNYCOOMAEOYSLSALFRFTLYOKBTTIATYARD* (Thanks for the tip, Wettrew!)

*You only live however many times Hollywood decides to remake a movie that everyone has already seen because the world is out of ideas but somehow not yet completely out of money, and each of your subsequent lives seems a little farther removed from the life you once knew, because the truth is actually that you are rapidly dying.