Imaginary Hating On Angelina Jolie With Jennifer Aniston

To tell you the truth, the Jennifer Aniston VS. Angelina Jolie one-sided feud is my favorite tabloid-fueled feud, possible EVER. “Really? How did you manage to pick a favorite when they’re all so good and none of them, not even the one you mentioned, are fabricated, malicious wastes of time that are so maddening, even just to have to scroll through on your Google Reader?” you’re probably wondering. That’s a fair question! To answer it I’ll say that I love this one specifically for how it has persevered over the years, and how it has painted Jennifer Aniston, a beautiful highly-paid actress with a handsome boyfriend, as a disgusting, lonely hag who is fixated on a boyfriend she had a million years ago. Hahaha. It’s a very powerful feud! And it is the best. And I love it. And anyway LOOK AT WHAT JENNIFER ANISTON SAID TO HER FRIENDS ABOUT ANGELINA JOLIE! From The Enquirer (perfect), via Celebitchy:

Chit-chatting with a coterie of girly-pals on the Beverly Hills circuit, Jennifer Aniston triggered hysterical giggles when she gored Angelina Jolie over that scary-looking set of horns she’s sporting for the horror flick ‘Maleficent,’ sniping: “Those horns suit her perfectly… she’s always been a horny bitch!” Jen went on to call Jolie a “she-devil.”

Classic Jennifer Aniston. Ah, to be a fly on that brunch — to be a member of that coterie of girly-pals on the Beverly Hills circuit. What would you have said? How would you have chimed in? This is how I would have chimed in:

  • More like Angelina Jol–EEK!
  • It’s very brave of her to be filming the entire movie without makeup on her head to cover up her natural horns!!
  • How many horny toads did Brad have to kiss before something something Angelina Jolie was one of them?
  • Those behind-the-scenes photos of Angelina filming her stunts are weird because why doesn’t she just save the production some money and use her own awful witch powers to fly?
  • Angelina Jolie is a goblin.