Q: Which Famous Person Needs To Just Come Out Already? (A: None Of The Above.)

So, someone posted a question on Reddit: “Which famous person needs to just come out already?” and it has already elicited, as questions on Reddit will, thousands of answers, almost all of which are just “Tom Cruise.” Obviously, this is just an Internet goof. “Tom Cruise, duh!” It’s silly. Strictly for the laugh out louds. But also, no, guys. No. The answer to the question is not Tom Cruise. The answer to the question is none of the above. Nobody needs to come out. For what? The person who is most hurt by someone hiding their sexuality is the person hiding his/her sexuality. The end! (And if we’re really talking about Tom Cruise, I cannot think of a LESS powerful and inspirational figurehead for any kind of gay empowerment movement than that guy.) Actually, before anyone else “comes out,” and this is in no means a diminishment of the wellsprings of personal strength that those in the public eye who have come out in the past have had to summon in order to do so, but before anyone else follows their lead, how about we get rid of the entire expression. Coming out stems from the need to keep something hidden, and the need to keep something hidden stems from the idea that it’s bad or shameful. So whenever anyone “comes out,” no matter how joyful or liberating, it still plays into and feeds off of that basic darkness. No more! How about it? A better question would be: which famous person needs to just fuck whoever they want and fall in love with whoever they want and not worry about some kind of ignorant, archaic, bigoted, garbage reaction from the boring, overly entitled, violently intrusive public? And the answer to that question is: everybody. It can be fun to gossip about who is having sex with whom! But it doesn’t matter whether they are gay or straight. Let’s just take that focus off of it. Personally I find the fact that Lizzy Caplan is dating Matthew Perry to be WAY MORE EXPLOSIVE than Anderson “Bike Shirt” Cooper. But I hope all three of them are very happy. (Thanks for the tip, Funtastik.)