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THE ROBOT UPRISING IS ATTACKING OUR SOCCER!

ATTENTION BIOLOGICAL CITIZENS! THE ROBOTS WHO HAVE RISEN UP AGAINST US AND NOW MAKE NEAR DAILY INCURSIONS AGAINST HUMANKIND IN THEIR ROBOWAR TO TAKE CONTROL OF THE NATURAL RESOURCES ARE NO LONGER SIMPLY ORDERING SCONES AND FOLDING SOCKS, THEY ARE ALSO ATTEMPTING TO PLAY SOCCER. THERE ARE A SELECT NUMBER OF ROBOT SYMPATHIZERS WHO WILL SIT AROUND AND CHEER FOR THE ROBOTS. THESE PEOPLE ARE TO BE ARRESTED IMMEDIATELY AND LAUNCHED DIRECTLY TO SPACE JAIL. IF YOU DO SEE A ROBOT PLAYING SOCCER, PLEASE MAKE SURE THAT IT FALLS OVER ON ITS ROBOT FACE AND CAN’T EVEN STAND BACK UP THE STUPID THING BEFORE GOING ABOUT YOUR DAY. DO NOT, WE REPEAT, DO NOT HELP THE ROBOT BACK ONTO ITS ROBOT FEET AND ENCOURAGE IT TO PLAY MORE SOCCER. WHAT ARE YOU THINKING THAT YOU WOULD DO A THING LIKE THAT? DON’T DO THAT. LEAVE THE ROBOT ON THE GROUND, OR KICK IT INTO A TRASH CAN. THE FOLLOWING VIDEO EVIDENCE CAPTURES SOCCER ROBOTS IN THE FIELD. THIS IS FOR VISUAL REFERENCE ONLY, NO LAUGHING.

DISREGARD THIS PROPAGANDA. THE GOAL IS NOT TO HAVE ROBOTS BEAT HUMANS IN SOCCER’S WORLD CUP IN 2050. THIS VIDEO WAS CLEARLY MADE BY A ROBOT. THE GOAL IS NO SOCCER ROBOTS IN 2012. DOWN WITH ROBOTS. DOWN WITH SOCCER ROBOTS! (Via ViralVideos.)